"" Requiem of the mind: October 2005

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Reality

The reality of the situtation is I'm failing this term at school. I spent 6 hours doing a math assignment to only get it back the next week to see my 7/62. I could have spent that time studying another subject or getting the sleep I havnt been getting all term (anywheres from 3-4 hours a day). A few weeks ago i was at my wits end and near breaking down. While around friends and family i just put on a smile and tried to pretend nothing was wrong. When i finally went home 2 weeks ago for thanks giving i did break down. Luckily after that I was able to compose myself again and continue to try at school. I spend most of my free time studying and doing assignments. I probably should have canceled my World of warcraft account awhile ago from the little time i have been playing it (i went 2 weeks without even logging in before my break down). If i didnt get out to see my friends every once in awhile i might have just colapsed under the presure.

I'v continued to keep studying and doing my work but if i do fail this term there is a very good chance im going to be kicked out of school. My first year at school i rarely went to my class and did little or no assignments. At the end of the year i was put on academic probation (which i am still on since you never leave it once your on it). Most people would probably would crack like i did from this constant preasure pushing down on them. I can just hope that i will do well enough to pass the classes im doing but i probably wont pass. I AM NOT GIVING UP. I am still going to my classes and still doing everything that is asked of me (and more when im trying to understand new topics) but im still not grasping the topics at all.

Today i called home to talk to my mother (it lasted 30 minutes). She told me something that had me in tears and thinking back to it now always has me there again. My father (who does keep his emotions inside like most fathers i know of anyways) told my mother if she would let me know that he is very proud of all im trying to get done and no matter what happens he will always be proud. Now my father and I (for some reason) can never talk to each other like but hearing that he said it and asked mother to tell me was probably one of the best days of my life to hear.

Well i need to turn into soon and try to get 6-7 hours of sleep so i can atleast be awake while taking my midterm tomorrow. If im wide awake i hope i wont make as many mistakes and pass this midterm.

Take care all and i hope to update more often but my free time is limited with all the work i try to for my classes.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Vandal! (No Not John)

Ill start with the subject then go off onto other things as i usually do...
While walking from head hall to Tiley for my math class i saw broken egg shells and splatter marks along the walkways from toole to carlton. I figured it was just one of the many residents just being ummm idiots? After my Econimics class (which is after my math class) I was walking back home and saw that the vandalism wasnt just the eggs i saw earlier. There was a bench in front of the library (Harriet Irving) that was on the hill and a bunch of concrete all over the large step infront of the building. I noticed that the bench was at an odd angle. I saw the missing leg of the bench a second or two later close to Poet's corner. As i continued my walk i saw that the globe on top of a lamppost had a burnt hole in it. Now these globes must be made of plastic, if not it probably took someone with a blowtorch to burn that hole in it (which probably wouldnt be worth the risk of doing it). So that was my day today. Oh i wrote a math test which i think i aced so im happy about that.

My last two weeks have been a hellish. I almost had a breakdown at my parents for thanksgiving. Yay..... Iv finally caught up to my work load and have been able to grasp the topics we are talking about in all my classes so that is a god sent. I got 4 more assignments this week but they dont look to bad so no more reason to pull out my hair while working (i wish i was joking iv been pulling hair out by the hand full but luckily i have nice and thick hair so its not noticable). Usually im up for typing more then this but im done.

Oh! On closing iv been watching this music video by My Barbarian. Its probably one of the gayest things iv seen but each time i watch it i cant help but giggle at it.

One or two more things. Shockwave and Yahoo have some games iv been playing. Each of which only take a few minutes to play each (10-15 max) and those have helped me keep my sanity.

Monday, October 03, 2005

The Storm

Sunday I was tired and sore and spent most of it in bed trying to rest up. I knew at the time i should be working on my massive amount of homework but i was also to tired to move. So i watched some tv and sleep in an out for most of the day. Today i awoke late and decided id stay home anyway and get the weeks worth of homework done now so i could have some free time with my friends thursday (if possible) before i go home for the long weekend. I have Math, Computer Organization, Theory and computations, and a C program to do. I'll most likly get the C program done tomorrow after class then spend the rest of the day studying for my midterm the next day. The midterm wont be bad its a 40 question multi-choice test. Which brings to say that almost everyone passes this course and a B in the class is like somewheres between a 60-70 percent. So I better do good in the class. The only thing i paranoid about is missing my Computer Organization class. I'm still not sure whats going on the course so i hope if i can get the assignments done, read the book, and get all the labs done well ill pass the class and never have to worry about it again. So thats been my plan and my last few days. Wee.....

Calm before the storm

Saturday morning around 6AM i hear a knocking on my window. I put on my house coat and look out the window. There is my brother looking at me with a grin. I sigh close the blind and get dressed. After about 5-10 minutes I go upstairs and see my brother waiting in a truck. He lets me know that he needs some help cutting wood. Im told that mom and dad are away for the so he needs help. So we get to his wood lot around 6:45-7:00 (Just to point out it is a 45 minute drive that only took around 30 minutes or less). After working in the woods for 7 hours and me being pretty ripe from not having time to shower that morning something happens. The truck gets stuck in the woods. We spend sometime trying to get it out (most of the time is me behind the truck getting covered in mud. We give up and start walking to my parents. This takes about an hour and a half. We get there to see my parents are still gone and we dont know where the key is to the garage to get the tractor out. So after sometime spenting cleaning up (i still had muddy clothes to wear but i was clean...until i put the clothes on again). I go outside to see my brother's feet dangling from the window to the garage. I grumble and race out to see how hes doing. I just want to point out here that I didnt check the garage before hand and took my brothers word that it was locked. So once i get there i help him go through the window and unlock the door. Before he locks it he starts to laugh and tells me while the door to the garage was locked the big front door (where we drive the tractor out) was indeed unlocked. So after a bit of swearing on my part we hope onto the tractor and ride out to his place. So its now about 5:30ish. We get the truck tied to the tractor and we get it out without much problem. We clean it off and i drive the truck to the house and my brother takes the tractor back. We then race back to town (i got here about 6:15-6:30ish). I take another shower and contemplate going to bed (because of how tired i am) or to go meet my friends. I decide to meet my friends and we watch shows for the rest of the night. To which id like to point out i did not fall asleep (which surprises me).