Reality

The reality of the situtation is I'm failing this term at school. I spent 6 hours doing a math assignment to only get it back the next week to see my 7/62. I could have spent that time studying another subject or getting the sleep I havnt been getting all term (anywheres from 3-4 hours a day). A few weeks ago i was at my wits end and near breaking down. While around friends and family i just put on a smile and tried to pretend nothing was wrong. When i finally went home 2 weeks ago for thanks giving i did break down. Luckily after that I was able to compose myself again and continue to try at school. I spend most of my free time studying and doing assignments. I probably should have canceled my World of warcraft account awhile ago from the little time i have been playing it (i went 2 weeks without even logging in before my break down). If i didnt get out to see my friends every once in awhile i might have just colapsed under the presure.

I'v continued to keep studying and doing my work but if i do fail this term there is a very good chance im going to be kicked out of school. My first year at school i rarely went to my class and did little or no assignments. At the end of the year i was put on academic probation (which i am still on since you never leave it once your on it). Most people would probably would crack like i did from this constant preasure pushing down on them. I can just hope that i will do well enough to pass the classes im doing but i probably wont pass. I AM NOT GIVING UP. I am still going to my classes and still doing everything that is asked of me (and more when im trying to understand new topics) but im still not grasping the topics at all.

Today i called home to talk to my mother (it lasted 30 minutes). She told me something that had me in tears and thinking back to it now always has me there again. My father (who does keep his emotions inside like most fathers i know of anyways) told my mother if she would let me know that he is very proud of all im trying to get done and no matter what happens he will always be proud. Now my father and I (for some reason) can never talk to each other like but hearing that he said it and asked mother to tell me was probably one of the best days of my life to hear.

Well i need to turn into soon and try to get 6-7 hours of sleep so i can atleast be awake while taking my midterm tomorrow. If im wide awake i hope i wont make as many mistakes and pass this midterm.

Take care all and i hope to update more often but my free time is limited with all the work i try to for my classes.